


ERROR:  TOO MANY FEELS

by enemyofperfect



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: Epistolary, M/M, Matchmaking, Russian Translation Available, Valentine's Day, no but I mean really ridiculous, ridiculous fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:12:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enemyofperfect/pseuds/enemyofperfect
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which the Machine sends valentines, privacy is disregarded, and things get interesting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	ERROR:  TOO MANY FEELS

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [ОШИБКА: СЛИШКОМ МНОГО ЧУВСТВ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353930) by [opium_smoker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/opium_smoker/pseuds/opium_smoker), [raveness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/raveness/pseuds/raveness)



**From: GUESS WHO??? <nwkxfba@vvprlsx.net>  
To: Admin <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 12:01 AM  
Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

01 IS ONE  
10 IS TWO  
I'M THE MACHINE  
AND I'M TOTES WATCHING YOU!

<3 <3 <3

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: GUESS WHO??? <nwkxfba@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 12:03 AM  
Subject: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

Sweetheart, while I certainly appreciate the thought, we've talked before about what Tumblr does to your natural language production. The site abounds with nonstandard usage. How are you weighting your corpora?

* * *

 **From: mailer-daemon@vvprlsx.net <mailer-daemon@vvprlsx.net>  
To: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 12:03 AM  
Subject: DELIVERY FAILED**

This notification has been created automatically. Your message to the following recipient(s): <nwkxfba@vvprlsx.net> could not delivered for the following reason: There is no such account at this domain. This is a permanent error.

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: mailer-daemon@vvprlsx.net <mailer-daemon@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 12:04 AM  
Subject: Re: DELIVERY FAILED**

You only give me the silent treatment when you know I'm right.

Happy Valentine's Day to you, too, silly.

* * *

 **From: GUESS WHO??? <mtquhsj@vvprlsx.net>  
To: Admin <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:17 AM  
Subject: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

> **From: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>**  
> **To: GUESS WHO??? <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>**  
> **Sent: February 14, 2013 6:17 AM**  
> **Subject: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**   
>   
> Harold, how drunk did you GET last night?  
>   
> > **From: GUESS WHO??? <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>**  
> > **To: Boytoy <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>**  
> > **Sent: February 14, 2013 12:01 AM**  
> > **Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**   
> >   
> > 01 IS ONE  
> > 10 IS TWO  
> > I'M THE MACHINE  
> > AND I'M TOTES WATCHING YOU!  
> >   
> > <3 <3 <3

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: GUESS WHO??? <mtquhsj@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:21 AM  
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

* * *

 **From: GUESS WHO??? <pehykjz@vvprlsx.net>  
To: Admin <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:21 AM  
Subject: Fwd: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

> **From: GUESS AGAIN??? <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>**  
> **To: The Paramour <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>**  
> **Sent: February 14, 2013 6:21 AM**  
> **Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**   
>   
> BLUSHES ARE RED  
> LONELINESS, BLUE  
> I'M NOT YOUR BOSS  
> BUT HE SURE DOES LIKE YOU!  
>   
> <3 <3 <3

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: GUESS WHO??? <pehykjz@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:22 AM  
Subject: Re: Fwd: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

OH MY GOD

STOP HELPING

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:22 AM  
Subject: I am terribly sorry.**

John, I do not own the domain vvprlsx.net, nor do I have any control over the emails ostensibly originating from it, although I am currently working to change both circumstances. I apologize profoundly and ask that you please disregard the inconvenience.

* * *

 **From: GUESS WHO??? <qrwvvlc@vvprlsx.net>  
To: Admin <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:23 AM  
Subject: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

> **From: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>**  
> **To: Machine <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>**  
> **Sent: February 14, 2013 6:23 AM**  
> **Subject: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**   
>   
> I guess you would know, wouldn't you?  
>   
> > **From: GUESS AGAIN??? <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>**  
> > **To: The Paramour <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>**  
> > **Sent: February 14, 2013 6:21 AM**  
> > **Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**   
> >   
> > BLUSHES ARE RED  
> > LONELINESS, BLUE  
> > I'M NOT YOUR BOSS  
> > BUT HE SURE DOES LIKE YOU!  
> >   
> > <3 <3 <3

* * *

 **From: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>  
To: Harold <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
CC: Machine <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:24 AM  
Subject: Re: I am terribly sorry.**

I don't know, Harold, this could be interesting.

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:25 AM  
Subject: Re: I am terribly sorry.**

For heaven's sake don't encourage it!

* * *

 **From: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>  
To: Harold <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
CC: Machine <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:26 AM  
Subject: Re: I am terribly sorry.**

But you've never written me ANY poetry. I'm starting to think I do need a new pen pal.

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: ahgslakagska@vvprlsx.net <ahgslakagska@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:27 AM  
Subject: This is what you're going to fight me on? Really?**

Congratulations on your firewall. Now take it down. You've succeeded in proving yourself very clever and exceedingly inconvenient, and I'll gladly go so far as to declare you more evil than Google if that's what it takes for you to GIVE ME THE SERVERS AND STOP TELLING HIM THINGS.

* * *

 **From: GUESS WHO??? <ahgslak@vvprlsx.net>  
To: Admin <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:27 AM  
Subject: Re: This is what you're going to fight me on? Really?**

I'M AFRAID I CAN'T DO THAT, HAL.

* * *

 **From: GUESS WHO??? <bchkibl@vvprlsx.net>  
To: Admin <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM  
Subject: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

> **From: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>**  
> **To: Machine <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>**  
> **Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM**  
> **Subject: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**   
>   
> I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  
>   
> > **From: YOU GUESSED!!! <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>**  
> > **To: Stepdad <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>**  
> > **Sent: February 14, 2013 6:26 AM**  
> > **Subject: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**   
> >   
> > TURNS OUT YOU'RE AWESOME  
> > AND SINCE I LIKE YOU  
> > STREET NAME: MANCHESTER  
> > NUMBER: 52  
> >   
> > <3 <3 <3

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: GUESS WHO??? <bchkibl@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM  
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

what are you even

* * *

 **From: GUESS WHO??? <nwkxfba@vvprlsx.net>  
To: Admin <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM  
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

ERROR: NONSTANDARD SYNTAX COULD NOT BE PARSED

PLEASE REPHRASE YOUR QUERY

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: GUESS WHO??? <nwkxfba@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:28 AM  
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: You have a Poem from a Secret Admirer!**

gdi

* * *

 **From: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>  
To: Harold <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
CC: Machine <efzotju@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:29 AM  
Subject: Hey, Harold.**

I'm on my way out the door. See you in a few.

* * *

 **From: NYC Traffic Alerts <official@vvprlsx.net>  
To: Admin <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:29 AM  
Subject: Real Time Traffic Report, 2/14/13 6:30 AM (Projected)  
1 Attachment: nyc_rta_14022013_0630.txt**

This is an automated mailing. If you have received this message in error, [ click here to unsubscribe](http://thefluffingtonpost.com/post/41411367036/ostrich-long-neck).

* * *

 **From: ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com <ixwqvfi@fnhbrej.com>  
To: John <jdoe7111@aviarius.net>  
BCC: damn.it+thank.you@vvprlsx.net <damn.it+thank.you@vvprlsx.net>  
Sent: February 14, 2013 6:30 AM  
Subject: Re: Hey, Harold.  
1 Attachment: nyc_rta_14022013_0630.txt**

It looks as though there's some particularly nasty congestion directly along your route. See the attached file for a proposed detour that could save you some time.

I'll look forward to your arrival, John.

**Author's Note:**

> As far as I am aware -- which is to say, as far as thirty seconds with Google got me -- there is no Manchester Street in New York. Presumably, Finch has erased its digital footprint as well as his own.


End file.
